I wish I could wear the same Tshirt and shorts everyday.

But I don't wear deodorant so that's not an option.

I think I am writing this blog because last time I spoke with Sebi instead of saying "bye" he said something like, "ok write a blog." All you have to do is ask. What, you think I like doing this??

Oh, right. Have you noticed? I'm not centering this blog. It's left aligned. I hope you all are happy- All 3 of you. Two people, who shall not be named, told me it was hard to read this crap when it's centered. Well. I don't have the best eyesight and the centered crap is easier for me to read. I hope your happy. Now I wont be able to read my own blog.

I like the Look Out Mobile Security app on my Droid. It tells me "everything is ok" and I find that personally reassuring.

The other night I was sleeping on the couch when I woke to someone tapping on my forehead. It was Cuey. Sitting like a vulture on the back of the couch, she was tapping my forehead with her paw. What a ho. Next thing you know, she'll be

poking me in the eyes and running me around the room by hooking my nose. Extra credit if you get that reference.

I think i'm high. High on iron. I started taking iron pills because I'm always tired and I bruise way too easily. When I take the pills I have this crazy happy feeling. So, naturally I want to square that feeling by taking another pill. That's safe, right? It's like shots. They make you feel so good so you keep doing more.

well, it's ok. At least with iron I wont wake up in the middle of a den with a wizard hat on and mustaches permanent markered on all my fingers. Oh...

We're moving in one week! Yow. Finally, a 2 bedroom 2 bath apartment... Just so we dont actually have to cross paths unless we're both in the kitchen. Just.. kidding. It's been hard- 2 people living in a one person place. But it's been fun. Nothing says commitment like being up in your face all the time.

Also with a bigger place, if anyone should visit, or maybe maintenance comes in, they wont think it's a gender confused 15 year old boy living here anymore. Yay! All my nutrition (diet) books can be in one room and all Aaron's action figures (dolls) can go in another!

Also, moving into a bigger place is automatically going to fix everything. No more microwave from the early 80's. No more warped door that wont open when it's hotter than 98 degrees outside. We're going to have more space so we'll be completely happy all the time. I can start an herb garden and Cuey will turn into a puppy and I'll lose 30lbs right off the bat.

Hey, I'm going to do a painting thing. I dont know what it's called. A series? It all has to do with Bub. I'm going to paint monsters! Original, right?! Ok I'll give you a sneak peek - one is going to be a shark with Barbie legs protruding out it's mouth. Ha HA.

If you steal that idea, i will kill you. Literally.

Well. This blog is coming to a close. That means it's PICTURE TIME.

Screw you guys, it's about to get all centered up in here.
Ok, best invention ever. Whipcream? check. Booze? Double check! Oh man, the only problem with this awesomeness is that the raspberry and the chocolate can look the same. I really meant to get chocolate. .. :(

Hey, the other weekend, I was on a boat. On a lake. ON A LAKE. I dont think anyone but Aaron knows about my intense fear of dark water (there are sharks in there!) and now he has an upfront personal view of what I'm like when I cant see the bottom. I would find it a personal triumph that I went, but I didn't move from my chair for 5 hours. And some blonde chick came up to me and said "YOU NEED TO MOVE AROUND, GIRL, HAVE FUN!!!" oh. Thanks, lady. I hadn't thought of that but you totally opened my eyes. I was trying to get thru this being un-noticed but thanks for pointing out how awkward I am. That helps soooo much. So, I went. And it was fun (minus the alligators and tan blonde ladies). I like watching people. And it was for this really cool guy's birthday, so that good.

Oh crap. Yeah, the picture of the boob cake was his cake. It was the only picture I took cos I feared if I took out my phone it would be automatically zipped in to the water. When did I get so terrified of water?? I love deep sea fishing and we had a boat during my childhood. Well, anyhoo, Aaron kept me sane. He said if we fell in the water it would be romantic like Titanic.

On to other things that dont give me night terrors!

I dont know if she was going for the cat clock, or Flava Flav...

Box obsession multiplied.

Ohmygosh i KNOW i have too many Cuey pictures. But this was too cute.

Fun day with the bro's and ho's. I think we all made bff with the bartender that day.

Also, note how we are all staring at our phones.

Look. If you're going to take pictures with other people's cameras you should really think about how they might post it on the internet. Everywhere.

Awolnation!

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I miss my McGriddle :(

The only problem with wanting to post my blog on facebook is that I have to write one. I just want the attention. Why does it have to be so much work?

What happened to me? Why am I so unmotivated these days? Where's my mojo?? Why haven't I written anything in months?? How did I forget my blogspot password??? Why are mommy and daddy fighting???

So, really. I'm not sure what happened to me. I used to write in 3 separate blogs and read 2-3 books per week and finish crossword puzzles on my 10 minute break at work (which, ok, I most times stretched it into a 14 minute break). Yes, I'm bragging. I donno what's gotten into me these days. I'm extremely apathetic about anything creative.. I have the attention span of Cuey when she hears me shaking a bag of kitty food....

Ok, sorry I'm back.

I just spent the last half hour looking through the Harry Potter land website. I never understood the couples who get married on the Star Trek Enterprise BUT I DO NOW. I want to go there so bad. I want Snape to be the minister if I ever do get married. I want my bridesmaids to wear Hogwart's robes..

OHOHOHO JK JK LOL about the robes.

Andrea, I'm pretty sure you almost punched your computer screen just then. No. You still get the giant pink MOH Barbie dress.

Procrastinating over. Time to type this bitch.

Guess what, people? It finally happened! Food poisoning. The one thing I'm extremely paranoid about finally occurred. The culprit was not 3 day old restaurant leftovers like everyone has been betting on but fucking salami from a party tray.

Aaron and I were moving all my crap outta my apartment last sunday
Seen here:

..and we got party trays to eat from the whole day while moving. Fast forward to 10 pm when we shared a celebratory bottle of Prosseco and I ate a couple salami pieces we brought back. Yes. 2 am food poisoning troubles. But great! That's good! It's something I've been fearing for quite a while and now that it's over I can resume eating all leftovers without a second thought. For some reason I think food poisoning is like chicken pox. Once you're over it you never get it again. Right?

Mk, my other theory is that Aaron is secretly poisoning me. Like putting antifreeze in soup on Desperate Housewives or shards of glass in sauce on Oz....

Poisoning my Prosecco. One jug at a time.

Just sayin'. If I die any time soon this can count as evidence in court. I know yall got my back.

So, for Cinco de Mayo I spent the night at Mr. Tramps at a nerd convention. And I say that with the utmost respect.. In fact, I now fall into that category, as Aaron pointed out this morning, since I believe David Tennant is obviously the best Dr. Who. To be fair I only found out about Dr. Who back in Dallas when I had no social life and rented it from the local library cos it was the only rent-able dvd that didn't have anything to do with Jane Seymour or yoga for babies. But now I'm crazy about the whole shebang and I almost want to have a kid just so I can get it an inflatable Dalek vehicle...

Point is - I had a ton of fun last night and a gay guy told me I had really pretty hair. Pretty sure I gave him a "wtf?" face...

Also, I realized I need to get way nerdier. I don't have a "niche" yet and I dont think I ever have since I got out of my high school Christian phase.. And since I am jumping my barista ship to find a real job I need to learn everything about what I'm trying to get into. I felt so stupid cos I didn't know who Richard Garriott is.. Even our CABBIE knew. Said he gave the dude a ride once and that he was one weird mothafucka.

So, by his picnic thingy I should probably know shit so I don't look like an idiot again. Hmm maybe I'll start listening to Aaron when he talks..hmmmm..

Every time I go to Walgreens I hit "no" for cash back when I swipe my card but it always gives me back $5. I brought this up to the cashier today and his response was "yeah, sometimes it just does that".. .... I dont think I'm going to complain cos it's kind of like a little present every time.

I wonder what would happen if i did ask for $5 back. Will it give me $10?

I will never ask for cash back since that one time I wanted $10 and i accidentally punched in $100. There's no way to stop it. Damn the DT's! Fortunately there was $160 in my bank at the time (shhh.. i know that's sad) but seriously Walgreens?? What if I didn't have that $5 in my bank account?? Well then, I guess I prolly shouldn't be buying vitamin water and Pinot Grigio...

Ok so here are more pictures of Cuey I need to get off my phone cos various people have been asking to see pictures of Aaron and I'm tired of scrolling through 40 pictures of her before I get to any of his..

This is a head band I put on the bitch. Aaron cleverly named it a "Cue-tu" She wasn't pleased.

She has an unhealthy relationship with paper products.

I've noticed that my cat is very much like a human broad. She spends a lot of time thinking about food...

She passive-aggressively hints at what she wants...

And she tries to fit into things that she definitely shouldn't...

The other day I showed Cuey a youtube video of the cat who does the begging thing. I told Cuey she wasn't getting any more kitty food until she could do the same thing the super cute cat does.. Then I looked over and she was EATING CARDBOARD. I almost had to pry it from her cold dead body to get it away cos she kept choking on it. Lesson learned. Feed Cuey less.

And on the non-cat lady last picture I post this cos I think it's a pretty sweet picture. I wonder if you can guess all the reasons why this picture is so cool....

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My two favorite things: gold and SPARKLE-Y

dun.....

DUNNN..

DUNN!!...

DUN DUNNN!!!!

Ok the camera doesn't exactly catch the intense sparkle-yness but they are AWESOME.

Thanks to Andrea, the best pre-MOH a broad who's never been proposed to ever had!

I could get used to this.

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Best Birthentine's ever.

But what gets me more excited is showing you my Valentine's gift to Aaron.

Introducing : My first painting

Yet to be named, but I call him Bub.

Keep in mind, this is my first real painting... and I did it with crayola paint brushes from Target's kiddie section cos Hobby Lobby bastards are closed on Sundays.

Those are real horns from my parent's animal skull in their backyard. They are the only people I know of who were vegan at one point and owned skulls and bought a cow skin rug at the same time.. Can you see where I get my crazy from?

Those are real googley eyes.

Also, keep in mind that I had no idea how acrylic paints worked and I figured halfway thru it that you can dilute them with water. I haven't done any art in YEARS and this was one painful, albeit awesome, experience. I had fun. And Bub is going above the giant tv in the living room.. yay!

Also, I have 3 lbs of plaster of paris and a shit load of googley eyes if anyone needs them.

That painting is the product of love. And blood, sweat, and tears cos i ended up super-gluing my fingers to everything. At one point I super glued the whole shebang to my carpet and then I super glued my hand to the frame trying to hold the horns in place.. owie

My whole birthentine's day was just awesome. I worked in the morning and then went to my favoritest Steeping Room with my mom and some prostitute who called herself my sister, Audrey. Seriously? Zebra and hot pink stilettos?

My mom got me some Godiva chocolates and I had to literally beat them off it. Dont fuck with my Godivas.

I arrived at Aaron's and he had chocolate covered strawberries, wine, and She Wants Revenge waiting for me. And ballroom dancing lessons!!!

I'M SO EXCITED.

We went to Paggi House and when we arrived the valet opened my door. MInd you, I haven't had that happen to me and I've been to the Driskill Hotel! But that was prolly cos I was in a shitty car (mine).

That was the beginning of the "i could get used to this" comments.

I felt a bit out of place at Paggi House cos A) I'm not trendy B) i had super glue all on my fingers and C) I'm a bit crude, even in the fancy pants restaurants.

But then the broad sitting behind us started crying in the middle of her dinner and I didn't feel so ridiculous after all. After eavesdropping a bit I figured out she was crying to her new date about her job. I bet you anything she woke up today and wondered why he's not calling.. HA.

We started out at the bar with the smoothest bartender I ever did see.

I asked for something "fruity" and he said, "yeah.. I gotchyou"

Then he brought me a rum spritzer muddled with strawberries and basil. Wow. Even though I know he prolly made that for every broad that requested something "fruity!" it was just the best dang cocktail I ever did have

But the food. Oh. The food.

I forgot my phone so there are no pictures

:(

But the food.

We started out with an Amuse of a tiny brown egg on an egg pedestal filled with lobster flan and topped with tobiko. Dang. Just dang. At the bottom of the egg I started realizing that it tasted like warm mayonnaise but the top with the little green tobiko and celery root intensely punched me in the face..

Appetizers. OH god. Aaron had the Wagyu tartare. Insane. Eating raw, ridiculously expensive beef is my new Thing. I could definitely get used to that.

I had a scallop with foie gras. I've always wanted to try foie gras and now I know it tastes like a delicious warm loogey and paired with a seared scallop tastes like the most wonderful large, warm, flakey loogey ever.

NEXT: MY FAVORITE

I had the surf n' turf cos it had caviar. This whole prix fixe menu had everything I ever wanted to try, and I can now say that caviar is my other new Thing. Aaron had better start making a lot more money. Now.

My braised veal was atop a bed of whipped mashed potatoes. You'd think when you cut into the meat it would smash everything down but NO! My butter knife just sank into it like anything else sexy you can imagine.

Aaron had sake roasted cod but by that time I was too busy laughing/staring at the crying chickadee behind us and blown away by caviar to pay attention to his awesome fish.

By dessert time I just didn't care anymore. Aaron had a goat's milk cheesecake with grapefruit sorbet, which was good. My dark chocolate terrine (ganache, really) with biscotti was just too heavy and didn't taste like truffles or caviar or wagyu beef so I was pretty listless about it.

Yes! I can get used to being snobby!

This is where it gets pretty sappy so shield your eyes.. Overall, it was just the best birthday ever cos Aaron was there.

And Bub.

ok sorry there were no foodie picture but here's some shit that happened during my birthday week:

Cuey made me laugh a lot by fucking around in pink bows. Oh yeah, also the bitch kept stepping on my painting when I turned my back for a second. Wtf, Cuey?

Pre birthday cake #1 from Tori. Yaay Strawberry Shortcake cupcake with glittery pink candle!

Pre birthday cake #2 from Aaron. I think this was the one he owed me for finishing level 3-6 of Angry Birds, but romantic non the less!

We finally had our holiday party at Golden Corral. Yes. Glutinous awesomeness

Note the 80 lb girl on the right, Melissa. She started out the buffet with two whole plates of food. TWO. Then she systematically went thru each plate like a champ.

It was a good holiday party.

This is an ad in the Chronicle for a place to get glasses. I think there is more than 1 reason i should get my next pair from here...

This is Cuey with her favorite toy, which just so happens to be my hair bands. I was trying to take a picture of the cuteness when all of a sudden i realized she had swallowed it and was choking. I had to hold her head and pull it out; needless to say, all the hair bands are locked away..

Then I tried to see if she'd swallow a pencil.

It's ok, she has no taste for lead.

/

Pandora makes me want to hide under the bed

If I didn't have a futon, I would.

Pandora

OK, A) I am rageous cos I was diggin' a song that

came about on Pandora so I checked out who it was. Turns out it was I Hate Brad but their cd art had something in a boat on the ocean.. The subtitle was "I dont know what I'm doing" which is dumb. Cos one of my favorite sketches in my diary* (or.. hand-written Blog

sounds less faggy) is of Dan at the bottom of a well saying "I dont know what I'm doing anymore." And I hate that my brain churned out almost the exact same thing as some other idiot 4th grader who won a contest called Create Art for an I Hate Brad CD.

*edit: i was going to post the picture of Dan in the well, but I cant find my hand written blog...ODD.

B) I am very weirded out by Pandora. She Wants Revenge is the only band I typed in one time, and now whenever I access the site again it starts up with the same combination of She Wants Revenge, Interpol, and Depeche Mode. It's like the geniuses got together and said "if a man likes Douche Song A then he will like F and

% song, too" I DONT LIKE BEING SO PREDICTABLE!

C) You can only skip so many songs per hour and they keep playing the Shins. I didn't know that I do not like the Shins until tonight. And now I cannot skip them.

P.S. The reason I dont post any blogs these days is cos of Facebook. I can either post a quick picture of things that dont make sense or write a blog explaining why they dont make sense. You can understand why I choose the former..

So here's a weird camera caption for the past couple weeks....

You've prolly seen most of these pics, but I'm sure you'll

look thru them just as well to see if there's any new ones.

Seriously, Walgreens jacket. Best jacket purchase ever. No, best PURCHASE ever. It feels like you skinned a baby black bunny. No worries; it's rayon. It's keeping the cold out and the cancer in.. No harm to the animals.. until I fuse it with my rabbit fur jacket and make it the awesomest jacket EVER!

None the less, this is a

sweet picture...

Tropical snow day!

I cut his hair and he fro'd his beard. He makes my heart beat fast..prolly cos i'm scared he'll knife me. This is my favoritest picture yet of the Love of My Life...

San Fransisco Cafe... mediocre Santa Clara sandwich and onion soup but their bread is AWESOME. Almost as good as my mom's. I will be coming back for the bread.

When I ate the bread I actually started sniffing the air cos, duh, if you bake bread in-house it's going to smell delicious, but no! I smelt nothing! so I asked the register lady where they get the bread and she was all rolly-eyes and shit saying they make evvvverything from scratch. Bitch! Then why don't yo store smell of bread??

Next!

I bought some boots today! They were purple percent off, just as the tag implies. I hope you know that me buying anything over $8 makes it a special purchase. And these were $65. My bank account is rolling over in it's grave.

Dick in a shoe box

This is what I walk out to every time I shower. That's right. I bring my phone into the shower just so I can capture my cat waiting for me to get out..

Yay! Aaron cake!!

>:(

he still owes me a cake for finishing level 3-6 of angry birds..

dont make drunken bets you cant follow through with!

Andrea and I spent the day together.. We were talking about some serious shit while sitting in her car when a construction worker started soft shoe-ing in the other parking lot..

This is a milk shake made out of an Apple Cheddar Whole Wheat sandwich, peanut butter chips, bananas, and yogurt. Tessa and I were bored during work.

It was actually really good!

This is more Coco's!! Go there! Pho disguised as Spicy Beef soup, green bubble tea, Spiced Kelp, and Spiced Octopus in the back. Yumyumyum.

Cash only.

This is Cuey after I rolled over and accidentally kicked her in the face.

Concussed Cuey.

This is Aaron's collection above his bookshelf.. Note the D&D. Note how I said I would never date anyone like this.

NOTE.

I got sick and this is how I spent 3 days. Faux Nyquil for breakfast and then watch It's Always Sunny till I pass out and wake up to not remembering any part of the day. It worked, doctor be damned!

This is my pomegranate martini at a restaurant downtown. We live the fancy life! But really I just like the picture..

Oh.. I guess that's the end.

Her stories are boring and stuff

Bleh. No more pictures of food for a bit. I can't stand looking at my past couple blogs with the bacteria-ness.

My car smells of burning plastic, still, and even though I like the smell I'm pretty sure it's coating my lungs in chemical-y smoke. Why is the smell not going away? I looked for more plastic underneath my car but there is none! Seriously, if there is some left, can. I. a'splode? It's making me very nervous.

If I could have a perfume line I would have scents such as Tire Shop, Cigarette Smoke, and Burning Plastic as the top picks. Man-oh-man I love the smell of cigarettes. Aaron, this by no means you should continue smoking, even if it IS doctor's orders. I'm going to look into suing that doctor for malpractice.

'aaaah

Max and Mary. Did you watch it yet!?

...

Andrea, I think we should frame this and have it on our desks. My desk, of course, is my computer desk. I don't have a real job.

And I want you to really appreciate what I've done. That took me an hr to create in Gimp. I want my Photoshop back! Ohmagad. So bad.

This is from Vivo on Manor. Double date time with Andrea and Troy! (..and Aaron!). No food pictures cos it was so goshdang dark but I did get a picture of the fancy shmancy bathroom. Check it - those are ice cubes and rose petals in the sink. Awesome?? no, not really I dont see the point. But it was the only picture my phone could take. I didn't want to Asian it up and pull out my real camera with the flash so.. this will have to do.

I give that Tex-Mex shit a 1/2 star.

The parking and location is balls.

It's waaay the hell too loud

It was cold outside, which makes me crabby.

It was packed and everyone insisted on standing around with their hands on their hips.

The 1/2 star is cos Aaron's Cucumber-tini was crazy and my Prickly Pear margarita looked like a barbie wonderland dream. Those drinks dont fuck around!

And the dim lighting makes me look pretty.

Oh, and they give each broad a rose at the end of dinner. Andrea played Plants vs Zombies by throwing hers on the table.

And now: The reason i'm writing this damn blog today

By Request.

Ho's I work with. Tori (Torillama Coffeemama) and Melissa (Her nickname is MelRO in my phone)

That's not forced fun; we actual

ly look like this all the time

Fist. Pumping action.

I say it's either down syndrome or imitating Jersey Shore. Pretty much the same thing.

P.S. dont no body give me any hate mail for that comment! They kept slurring something about "Get off me, I'm a good person" I had no idea wtf

Tori, I Gimped("photoshopped") your arm and gave you a boob job. I'm not saying I didn't like the picture as it was! - you just threw a mini fit and told me to not post this. SO THERE.

This dog celebrates my birthday!

Ok so, some odd wishes have been coming true, lately. Last night I couldn't find my scarf and desperately wished I had a new one

BAM. Free scarf today.

I dont care to go into the details but it involved a peg and smelling like a grandma.

Next is real freaky. Two nights ago I was driving home and was really jonesing for some wine. I decided to be good and not stop by Shell, but I wasn't happy about the decision....

BAM.

Ok, well the wine's not there now cos I drank it, but BAM. I opened my door to get some mustard and right where that empty spot is sat 3/4ths bottle of Pinot Grigio.. I had no idea how it got there.. but i still drank it.

New love of my life - Fire Table. I saw this in a magazine today. What? a Table? with a Fire?? HOLY SHIT. Too bad it costs $2,662 (with free shipping to Austin!)

:(

okokok. I decided that I dont want an engagement ring anymore. F that. I want a fire table! To whomever it may concern who may propose to me in the future: Skip spending the 3K on a ring I'll prolly lose anyways. I can't lose this bitch! Well... actually I could lose it in a house fire. A house table fire.

But either way, in return I have a dowry laid out.

You get to have my mannequin, Prude

She doesn't put out but she's fun to dress up!

And a free scarf. And Cuey!

... and loads of school loan debt!

Well. I'monna go now and pace around my apartment in jeans that don't fit.

EITHER I WILL CONFORM TO THEM OR THEY WILL CONFORM TO ME.

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